Two Things I Never Expected

After having been called a "boy toy" today, I thought nothing could possibly bring me down--until we got to the parking lot at the airport and we found that my car had been shat upon by the thousand demon birds of Hell. Once I regained my ability to speak without roaring swears, I had to admire the systematic nature of this indignity visited upon my innocent Corolla. Even if five hundred birds had in regimented goose-stepping fashion afixed their butts in an assembly line of poo-creation, still they could not have approached the sheer frightening velocity and intensity of the bird crap Mardi Gras float that my car has become...