Evil Monkey: The Speed of B.S.

Evil Monkey:You write too slow.Jeff:Who asked you, banana breath?Evil Monkey:No need to get huffy.Jeff:Yeah, well...Evil Monkey:You said it on your blog.Jeff:I did.Evil Monkey:More or less.Jeff:You pass judgment too quickly.Evil Monkey:If you wrote faster, you'd be richer.Jeff:If you moved slower I'd wring your furry little neck.Evil Monkey:If you wrote faster but slept slower I'd be able to get all of that poison into the porches of your ears by dawn.Jeff:If you drank slower I wouldn't have to drive you home every night.Evil Monkey:If you drank faster maybe you'd stop posting so many pointless blog entries.Jeff:If you were faster on the uptake you'd realize appearances are reality.Evil Monkey:If you were quicker-witted you'd realize this whole discussion is pointless.Jeff:You'd make a terrible slow writer.Evil Monkey:You'd make a terrible fast writer.Jeff:I don't write to deadline! (*Beats chest*.) Look at me!Evil Monkey:That's because nobody cares if you finish anything.Jeff:Nobody cares if I finish you off.Evil Monkey:If a tree falls on you in a forest while you're writing your slow fiction, would there be a news report?Jeff:If a middle class, middle-aged writer throttled a sock monkey in the privacy of his own home, would said sock monkey make a sound?Evil Monkey:Yes, he would.Jeff:Oh.Evil Monkey:Why dost thou hate the fast writers, Jeff. Is it because thou are so slow?Jeff:I don't hate the fast writers, but try to ask a bleepin' question and the bullcrap rises to cover everyone!Evil Monkey:But slowly, my friend. Slowly.(Originally ran on the old blog)