Evil Monkey on Fantasy
Jeff:I think I have a headache.Evil Monkey:Is it because I just hit you with a hammer?Jeff:Oddly, no.Evil Monkey:Is it because I smashed you in the side of the head with that beer bottle?Jeff:Only partially. And please stop that.Evil Monkey:You looked at me funny.Jeff:You look funny.Evil Monkey:So what's hurtin' you, litul guy?Jeff:I read this.Evil Monkey:I saw that. I didn't pay it no mind. I was too busy building this brick wall in the basement that I'm gonna put you behind when you're not looking.Jeff:It's the triumph of the Potter--that thar reviewer's approach. Fantasy isn't Tolkien anymore. It's YA set in the real world with some kinda magic or magic school element. Or urban fantasy. It's time for me to go to the gray lands beyond the sea.Evil Monkey:Isn't it, though? I think maybe I hit you too hard. You're not making any sense.Jeff:Fantasy is YA. Magicians has adults in it, so it's adult YA. Adult fiction is just YA that doesn't know it yet. Fantasy is something you put aside when you stop being an adolescent.Evil Monkey:You really are delirious. You're not making any sense.Jeff:Someday there're just gonna be books out called Quest with Romance, Quest with Side of Fries, Quest with Portal to Real World, Magic School with Side of Sex, Magic School with Mystery Plot, Chosen One with or without sidekick.Evil Monkey:I'm gonna hit you again, Jeff, but just because I think you might reboot...Jeff:Uh! Stop it! That hurt!Evil Monkey:That's the first thing you've said that's made sense.Jeff:Fantasy is not literary or pulp. Fantasy is not entertainment or literature. Don't cry for me, Argentina. Gawd, I'd like to read something serious right now. But no fantasy! Something seeeerrrious, my precious. Feesh. Feeesh.Evil Monkey:Look, you have to stop talking like this. They're gonna take you to the funny farm, and it's not really funny in there. And it's only sometimes a farm. Usually it's a dump.Jeff:Why bother? Honestly. Why bother taking any care? We could all make characters out of popsicle sticks, put wizard clothes on them, and call it a day. Who would notice? I'll put on puppet shows instead---public service messages for kids in school, and gradually I'll make them stranger and stranger until puppets are exploding and they fire me because live guinea pigs shouldn't be part of punch and judy.Evil Monkey:Look, one idiot does not a conspiracy make. Who cares? Write what you want to write.Jeff:I think I don't want to write fantasy any more. No, I'm going to move on to something more adult. 'Cause most people aren't even gonna see the serious in the novel---they're just gonna see fantasy. And fantasy ain't serious, so the novel ain't serious. It's about little people. Little people who live in holes in the ground. No more fantasy for me. Everybody lives above ground in well-lighted apartments.Evil Monkey:You're writing fantasy right now, fool!Jeff:Oh crap, you're right. Stop talking.Evil Monkey:No. Here's the business end of a bottle.Jeff (crying out):STOP DOING THAT! I AM NOT READY FOR PLASTIC SURGERY!Evil Monkey:Just trying to impose some reality on you.Jeff:Stella! Steeeeeellllllaaaaaaaa!Evil Monkey:Okay, that's it---lights out.Jeff:X - X ..........................