Who's on the Rack? Moi? I Don't Think So...

So I found the solicitation under the cut to be more than a little odd, and given the references to "brutal" and "rude" and "pressures" I'm under (?!), I thought I would respond as if I were a complete a-hole---take the offensive as it were and turn the tables. Only seven answers were posted to the On the Rack feature, but you can read the full interview below.Note that the direct link to their On the Rack feature on me does not include anything about "brutal" or "rude"...thus making me look simply brutal and rude, I suppose....but I answered completely in the spirit of the context as I saw it, because what author worth their salt is going to just go along with the idea as presented?***"Under the heading 'The Rack', my job is to ask authors seven questions. These questions are meant to verge on the brutal or at least thought provoking. Because there is no obvious reason at all why an author should consider a question he or she might see as rude rather than brutal, I have enclosed a list of twenty four questions any seven of which you might answer. To embroider a previous phrase, there is no obvious reason at all why, with all the various pressures you face, you should feel the need to reply to this invitation from 'The Rack'. All I can say, by way of appeal, is that I am asking authors I particularly like, OFW will also have a world wide audience, and the seven questions will be sandwiched between two paragraphs advertising your books and extolling your praise. I hope this formats okay in this little box :) ---Yours sincerely, Mike Keyton"Questions & Answers1. Which poet or author makes you jealous and why?****No one. I am a closed vessel who pays no attention to anyone else’s pathetic attempts at creative endeavors.2. At what point of your writing process do you consider the reader if at all?****When I need money.3. What makes your work worth paying for?***Fuck if I know.4. Do you really feel you write well or did you just get lucky?***I most definitely did not get lucky.5. Does bestseller mean good writer?***Does “nightingale” mean “horribly malformed troll”?6. To agent or not to agent? Why or why not?***The more idiots who decide not to, the better for me.7. E-books: Exciting, or a cause for unease?***Hold two mutually exclusive ideas in your head. See? Nothing exploded.8. What do you think about self-publishing?***Lots of things. Oh, do you want me to expand on that?9. Have you ever described yourself as “author” or, “published author”? Why”***Have you ever described yourself as a published interviewer?10. Which five books do you think are better than yours***None. I have never written anything that was less than pure genius.12. The Rolling Stones, PD James: do you think writers have sell by dates.****Creators aren’t cans of tuna.13 Is there an over-arching moral theme in your work, if so what?****The over-arching moral theme in my work is that there is no moral theme.14 Do you think a classic novel requires a moral theme?***Do you think a hamster needs a crash helmet?15 Elmore Leonard listed ten rules, one of which is: 'Try to leave out the part that readers tend to skip. Think of what you skip reading a novel.' What rule or piece of advice would you add to the list, and if you know his ten rules, which one would you break?***If you want to write like Elmore Leonard, follow his rules. If you don’t, don’t.16 Would you see it as an exciting or a retrograde step if digitisation encouraged writers to choose sound and pictures to augment their words.***Do you mean…create their own videos, films, or online comics? Well, then, sir THAT WOULD BE A TOTALLY DIFFERENT FUCKING MEDIUM.17 Should writers strive for literary merit?***Should hamsters wear crash helmets?18 Is your work original or another version of a tired old story?***My work is of such blazingly incandescent genius that it renders this question irrelevant.19) Are you a good writer?***Are you a murderer of children?20) Has a book every made you cry, and if so, which one?***That’s personal.21) Which literary character would you like to sleep with?***Do you mean what imaginary person would I pathetically like to fantasize about?22) Which is the worst book you have ever read and b) Which is the worst book you have never read*** *The Flatulence of Interviewers*, by Mike Keyton. And, b), *I, Nose Picker* by Mike Keyton23)What assumptions do people make about writers?***That they should have infinite patience.24)What question do you hate the most when people find out you're a writer?***This one.