How to Gift-Wrap a Book So It Doesn't Look Like a Book

 (Thanks, Matthew Revert, for the great info-graphic.)It's a perennial problem, isn't it? How to make that dang-blasted book look like something else when you wrap it, because otherwise what's the point? It can be slathered in wrapping paper that's covered in three-dimensional rainbow-colored topographical anomalies interspersed amongst Satanic dog-headed kittens and the person receiving the gift will still figure it out.But don't despair! As a public service, you can find my preferred method above. I finally admitted to this approach when NYT bestselling author Lois H. Gresh asked the question on her facebook page. Matthew Revert was then kind enough to provide an illustrated version as a holiday season mitzvah.Of course, Gresh then had to raise some issues that point to a possible need for refinements in this approach. Specifically:

So let me get this straight. I use the Fishomatic to pulverize 12 dead fish. I dump the fish pulp into a 12"-diameter sphere-shaped ice tray (and good luck finding one of those). Then I push the book into the fish pulp. Clearly, a pulp title is best. I freeze. Carefully, I pop the frozen sphere from the "tray" and arrange it in a nest of fish scales. Then I put it under the recipient's pillow in his/her bed. Oh, wait. That's The Godfather Method of Wrapping a Gift Book.

This interpretation is a little time-intensive and perhaps limiting in terms of the type of book. And, granted, sometimes I will just strap the dead fish to the book and cover both with wrapping paper and hand that to the lucky recipient--especially if there's no convenient sea nearby. Her next suggestion, however, may further streamline the whole process...

If I hide the book or toss it into the sea, and hence, the supposed recipient doesn't know that he has this wonderful gift… then I can save my book money and give him something much smaller and cheaper, such as a pea. Yes, I can hide a pea and feel good, knowing that I intended to give him a book. After all, it's the thought that counts!

I have no suggestions on how to hide a pea. Nor for wrapping an e-book. But for less avant garde suggestions on book-wrapping, here are a few links.--5 Creative Techniques to Wrap a Book--Google Image Search (less terrifying than you might expect)--Pinterest, suggesting disguises that will fool no one (like if you put a fake moustache on)Of course, you could always just wrap the damn book using time-proven and careful techniques.Or share your own secret ways in the comments below...