Evil Monkey and People for the Ethical Treatment of SF (PETSF)

(Image courtesy of The Crotchety Old Fan...)Evil Monkey:Are you a mofo?Jeff:What? OW!! You hit me with that hammer. Right in the knee!Evil Monkey:You didn't answer quick enuf. I thought you might be ethically challenged.Jeff:What in the hell are you talking about?Evil Monkey:I am a member of the People for the Ethical Treatment of SF. I go around hitting m@therf*ckers with hammers.Jeff:Back the hell up. What the hell is...PETSF?Evil Monkey:I dunno but we support nice stuff and I get to go around hitting mofos with hammers. Splinter group of this. It was more interesting at SFFE before somebody I think called Andy Remic deleted his post about mofos. There's mofos out there. [scroll down to Andy Remic. kthanxbai.]Jeff:Looks like their own members aren't exactly sure what the heck they're all about. Still, a few of my friends are part of the group.Evil Monkey:Some think it's about positivity about SF and some think it's about positive SF. The future is bright, you know. Just gotta wear shades. Erm, over your entire body. And find a new planet.Jeff:Um, fair enough...Wait. Conrad Williams is a member??! But he's the Lord of Darkness and Tactile-But-Beautiful-Horror. What the heck is he doing in an organization with "ethical" in the title? Isn't that against the law?Evil Monkey:It's all gotten a little confused. Before I left I caught one of them carving "Exterminate All the Brutes" into the side of another one of them. Stagger Lee would've been proud.Jeff:What a mofo.Evil Monkey:Reminds me!Jeff:OW! I am not a mofo. Stop!Evil Monkey:Oh yes you are. I can tell.Jeff:How?!Evil Monkey:You ain't declared for our organization so you must be part of either Mofos for the Utter Destruction of SF Ethics (MUDSFE) or M@therf*ckers Who Object to the Use of Hammers! (Mwouh!).JeffI don't belong to any damn organzation.Evil Monkey:Then yer just a garden-variety unaffiliated mofo. Here, let me help you with that condition.JeffYou stay away from me with that hammer. Now calm the f#ck down. What exactly is your group's manifesto?Evil Monkey:Don't have oneJeff:Mission statement?Evil Monkey:Don't have one.Jeff:Mission...sentence?Evil Monkey:Well, er, don't have one. Just don't like mofos is all. SFFE has one now, but it bites ass: "The aim of this site is to promote positive reviews of books, movies and comics. There are some writers involved. It's that simple." That's why we PETSFs left them and started our own thing.Jeff:Geez, that is lame. What the hell do you need a title like "Science Fiction and Fantasy Ethics Group" for if that's your mission statement? You could call it "I'm So Nice" or "Running Through the Dandelions" or "Stuff We Likes, We Likes A Lot: Here's a Photo of a Puppy."Evil Monkey:Mr. Remic explained it thusly: "The original idea of the ethics name came from talking to several notable academics, who said they'd like to be involved. I just thought it would be cool to have a more intelligentsia orientated title."Jeff:Reaaaallly? Seriously? Like, that's not a joke? Well, what do you people at PETSF stand for?Evil Monkey:We apparently like light not darkness, sugar not arsenic, Wham! not Joy Division, pie not bombs, laughter not babies on spikes. and we definitely do not like any mofos.Jeff:And a mofo is?Evil Monkey:Anyone we say it is. We're monitoring the situation very closely. Unlike SFFE, which deals with mofos like "Abigail" and "Martin" by deleting their comments, we at PETSF have a more athletic approach.Jeff:Clearly. And what else does your organization do?Evil Monkey:We talk about nice things. And we blog about nice things. Nicely. Pinkie finger has to be in the air pointing toward Heaven while typing.Jeff:Just like SFFE?Evil Monkey:Er, basically. Which is why I am out and about givin' what-for to mofos. Dirty rotten mofos.Jeff:Couldn't stand all the nice things could you?Evil Monkey (with sigh):OMFG, no, I couldn't. I tried. I really did. But there are only so many dramatized readings from teletubby fan fic that a monkey can take.Jeff:Oh, put down that hammer and have a drink with me. Sounds like you've been through niceties that could test a monkey's soul.Evil Monkey:Oh, I have. It was terrible. The small talk. The lady fingers. The iced mochas. The niceness. O the niceness.Jeff:It'll be okay. Here, have some whisky.Evil Monkey:Thanks. Thanks a lot...Jeff:OW! What the hell, monkey?!Evil Monkey:You're still a b%stard.