Elevation: Raise Yer Game, Internets, for I Am Giving Away Hooks

Dear Intertubes:I was scrolling through yer bountiful pleasures the other day and came across things that made me want to write a blog post, because I'm totally reactive that way.First off, ----------, stop posting this on twitter over and over again because it's f-cking with my ability to find real information about myself, and we all know how important that is: "My books have been blurbed by writers such as Piers Anthony, Jack Ketchum, Jeff Strand, Jeff VanderMeer, John Skipp, Gary Braunbeck." Stop it! Or mix it up: "My books have not been blurbed by Junot Diaz, Stephen King, Fatty Warbucks, and Irmalinda Pitkaginkel." (Besides, you are beginning to sound like you have some kind of disease. I am worried about you. Love, Flaming Disaster.)Secondly, I completely agree with Larry that there aren't enough give-aways on various blogs. As Larry says, quoting John Ford, "'Tis a Pity You're a Whore, You Bastards." Wait. Whut? Er, never mind. Doesn't scan. I has no opinion.Where was I?So I will begin with the give-aways here, since I'm not doing my fair share. Still, it's going to be a little different than on other blogs.Let me explain. I do features, interviews, and book reviews across a spectrum of different publications. Do I love everything I profile? No, I do not, but there are plenty of books that deserve coverage that will never fall into my personal love-it category--books and authors I still respect, and that readers want to hear about. (Mind you, book reviews fall into another category entirely--that of complete disclosure of the reviewer's opinion.)All by way of saying I like to be both more relaxed and less relaxed here on my blog. I don't do book give-aways on my blog except rarely, and I'll only give away a book I truly deeply love. Otherwise, there's a kind of contamination going on--something junking up my relationship with my blog readers. And I don't want book publishers leveraging up on me in my personal space.So, all that out of the way, here's my give-away contest: Write me a 10,000-word essay on why you think give-aways helped create or destroy the fantasy genre as we know it (deadline: Jan. 1, 2010) and you will receive one of the following prizes:This here boot I can't find the mate for:This here hook in our ceiling that I can't find any use for and that makes me think Captain Hook is embedded in our attic:This here neck pillow we've abandoned because our stupid cat likes to hump it:This here inexplicable beastie procured at a local Hallmark store on a whim: